Learning to Listen to Little You

We are born perfectly. Each little soul that enters this world is complete, whole, exactly as it should be. And as infants, we exist in this light, in our fullest expression. We know so clearly what we need, and communicate very clearly when those needs aren’t met. We have no hesitation to acknowledge our discomfort – whether it be because we are hungry, cold, wet, tired, lonely, scared – and express our discomfort without fear of judgement, shame, of any consequence. 

And then we grow. We become children and we become aware of our surroundings. We begin taking in the world around us, full of people and systems, norms and status quos. It is this world, most of which is made up in our own homes, that shapes our understanding of how we should exist as people. Unfortunately, one of the most pervasive norms is that our behaviour should be based on what others find attractive. We live in a culture that prioritizes acceptance by others over authenticity and self-expression. On the surface, this may not seem overly detrimental; we learn how to act and what roles to play so we can fit in, get along with others, and even be celebrated. However, this superficial benefit comes with a great cost: self-betrayal. 

As we learn to focus on acceptance by others, we are simultaneously creating distance from our authentic selves. We are learning how to silence our true thoughts and feelings, acting from a craving for external validation rather than self-worth and love. Without even being aware of it, we become masters at accepting situations, people, and circumstances, out of fear of being judged, criticized, left, not being chosen, wanted, or liked by those around us. We continue in this existence, often suffering because of it – anxiousness, indecisiveness, overwhelm, fear, depression, feelings of being lost can all result from this conditioning and are a consequence of betraying yourself, of neglecting your inner child. Your inner child is literally just yourself; the little person that has been within you since your beginning. Fortunately, your inner child is really good at throwing temper tantrums, and will continue to do so until you finally decide to start listening. 

Most of us don’t think of our inner child or are unfamiliar with the concept. Becoming acquainted with them, however, can be an incredibly therapeutic tool and offer immense healing as adults. When you are experiencing moments of difficulty, such as uneasiness, anxiousness, indecisiveness, fear, overwhelm, tension, or loneliness, I challenge you to listen to your inner child: become still. Become still, close your eyes, listen to your breath, and go inward. Picture six-year-old you. Maybe you’re outside, somewhere in a house, at school. Picture six-year-old you and then picture present-day you approach your child self. When you reach six-year-old you, lean down, and wrap your arms around them. Hold them tightly, imagining wrapping this small, precious person with deep love and care. Feel them and let them feel. Tell them they are enough. That they are perfect. That they have everything they need within them. And then tell them that you’re here. That you see them. And that you are here to take care of them. And then take a step back and hold their small hand. Ask them what they need. What do they need to feel okay? Do they need to sleep? To be held? To eat? To play? To be heard? To laugh? To run free? Who and what makes them feel well? Who and what doesn’t make them feel well? (*This can be an incredibly emotional experience; I recommend finding a quiet space and sitting in a comfortable position. Actually close your eyes and give yourself time to picture yourself as a child and follow the exercise — receive whatever feelings come up and let them pass through you.)

Your child self will know. Your inner child has always known, and continues to know. Our job is to do the work to separate from our conditioning, to begin creating space between the behaviours and habits we have been practicing for years, and use that space to go inward, to meet our inner child and get reacquainted with our authentic selves. Your child self is the most authentic, the most in touch, the clearest version of yourself, which means that your inner child knows exactly what you need right now. Give them space to tell you, let go of fear of the answer, and trust the healing waves that follow.

The reality is that your child self has never left you. They have just been covered up with layers of conditioning, shut out by the pressure to be accepted and fit in, to keep up and play a part in the outer world. And now it’s time to come home.

I challenge you to venture inward. To take a breath and journey to yourself. You are beyond worth it. You have always been worth it. You are still perfect, just as the day you were born. You are still exactly as you should be. You still know exactly what you need. It is merely a matter of turning inward, of giving yourself the space to hear your own voice again.