You Best Believe
To understand how we can better deal with change and challenges in life, we first need to know that our brains are ‘neuroplastic’. This means that they are continually changing throughout our lives, and our neural pathways can be changed and manipulated at any point in time. We have way more control over our brains than we have traditionally thought; through simple therapeutic activities and interventions, we can literally change the way we feel and perceive life. These interventions act to shift both our physiology as well as our mentality, and include adequate nutrition and gut healing, breathwork, physical movement, connection to nature, journaling, and meditation.
Before exploring these interventions, there are some fundamental truths we need to believe that help lay the groundwork for being open to and trusting the process:
Nothing has meaning unless we give it meaning. No person, place, thing, thought, feeling, behaviour, or interaction ever has any meaning until we tell ourselves it does. This is perhaps our greatest power in life: to recognize that we are in control of how we interpret all that happens around us and so can choose how we respond and react in every moment. This is why two people can experience the exact same situation and yet come away from it with completely different reactions. For example, if we don’t get a job we really wanted, we can tell ourselves it means that we’re not good enough, inadequate, not meant to do that work. Alternatively, we can tell ourselves that we’re not meant to have that job right now, that a better-suited job is waiting, that it has nothing to do with us and our greatness. And then there’s the ultimate meaning we can give it: absolutely nothing. We can tell ourselves that it just is what it is and it’s in the past and therefore no longer relevant.
We are not our thoughts and feelings; we are merely observers of our thoughts and feelings. When we start to recognize thoughts and feelings as objects, as objective experiences, we start to recognize that we are separate from all of them. Thoughts come and thoughts go, feelings come and feelings go. They are not inherently part of who we are; they are merely parts of moments we experience. This perspective of thoughts and feelings being separate from us sets us up to be able to just observe them, which allows them to pass through us and then be gone. It frees us from clinging to them and letting them have lasting impact and determine our behaviour. Separating ourselves from our thoughts and feelings begins with first just recognizing what thoughts and feelings we are having in any given moment, and then accepting them as only an experience in time. This requires us to remind ourselves that just as a thought or feeling began, it is going to end. This requires us to view ourselves as open beings that things flow into and then flow out of it. When we learn to separate ourselves from our thoughts and feelings, we get to feel lighter, freer, and more prepared to face life.
True peace and happiness come from within. It is true that we all need connection, we all need adequate nourishment, and we all need purpose to feel balanced and fulfilled. As humans, we have basic needs and experiencing life fully is much easier when these needs are met. However, more important than any of these needs is our contentment with ourselves, independent of any external parts of our life. This contentment is the most important because when we achieve it, we can endure our other needs not being met and maintain our peace and happiness during times of adversity much more easily. The external parts that don't have any true bearing on our peace and happiness include our relationships, hobbies, work, experiences, interests, wealth, skills, appearance. While we are conditioned to believe that these external parts actually define who we are and make up our being, they do not. They are objective, impermanent pieces that will change throughout life, not having any bearing on our deepest self, our soul. This can be quite scary when we have clung to these elements to give us identity and in turn to make us feel comfortable, to make us feel happy. However, just as these elements can go as quickly as them came, so, too, can the happiness we let them create. True happiness is achieved when we no longer put any weight on these elements, when we learn to love and accept ourselves without any regard for these elements. It doesn’t matter what job you have, what relationships you’re in, where you live or what you live in, what you enjoy doing, what your body looks like, what activities you do or interests you have; you are so much more than all of these objective things. While all of these things can change and come and go, your soul is permanent. Your soul is the extent of you, and the only permanent part of your existence. This is why loving yourself just as you are, why letting go of all of the external expectations and pressures to be and do, why accepting yourself completely and exactly where you are is the most precious gift you can ever give yourself. It is the gift of true peace, happiness, and freedom.
Having these beliefs in mind is a first step in opening up our minds and hearts to mental and emotional healing and change. Sit with them, be uncomfortable with them, surrender to them. We will explore each one of the previously mentioned interventions (adequate nutrition and gut healing, breathwork, physical movement, connection to nature, journaling, and meditation) and ways to incorporate each of them into your daily life. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, and know how worthy you are of healing and love.