The Gift of Change
‘Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news.’ – Pema Chödrön
A new year adorned with the usual themes of resolutions and setting new goals seems like a timely point to discuss the topic of change. However, while the changes sought as a result of making ‘new year’s resolutions’ are often intentional and deemed positive, the type of changes I want to discuss here are the ones uninvited and typically deemed negative. The changes that come unexpectedly, the ones that pull the rug out from under our feet, make us ache and hurt in the deepest way and question our very existence, the ones that we spend most of our lives hoping won’t happen.
We live in a society where we are told that consistency means stability and stability is required for us to feel safe and happy. This inspires us to pursue supposed structures of permanence and establish life-long commitments. Meanwhile, the most inherent truth of this world is constant change; nothing is permanent, from the flux and flow of natural systems to our own thoughts and feelings. Jobs are had and then lost, loved ones are born then pass, marriages become divorces, people are well and then sick, money is earned and spent, relationships begin and end, sources of joy and happiness become sources of hurt and sadness.
Holding onto the notion that consistency and stability are required for happiness lies at the root of so much of our suffering throughout life. We develop habits of such resistance to difficult changes, and then feel like the world is closing in on us when they happen anyways, as they inevitably do and always will. Letting go of this resistance, shifting our perspectives about unwelcome changes, and learning to open our hearts and minds to the challenging reality of this world can change our lives.
The secret does not lie in avoiding the pain, grief, and struggle associated with the difficult changes. The secret lies in surrendering to these emotions while trusting that they are not inherently negative and instead essential parts of life and the most precious opportunities for growth. Change is essential for growth, and it is through the most difficult changes where we experience the groundlessness of feeling completely lost and unsure that we learn the most about who we are and what we want from life.
When we surrender to the change, when we surrender to the pain, when we trust the groundlessness and stop resisting it all, we welcome something beautiful that lies beyond. We welcome growth and get to develop a unique tenderness towards ourselves and others. This surrendering happens when we let go of our fear of the difficult change and the emotions associated with it. When we let go of the fear and turn into the change and emotions, we realize that the fear was really a product of the thoughts we had told ourselves about what change means. Just as we create the fear, we can destroy it, simply by changing our thoughts.
This destruction of fear and surrendering is obviously easier said than done. However, the process to do so is incredibly simple and only requires that you show up for yourself every day and stay committed. It requires you to honour yourself, to believe in your inner power, to keep an open heart, and to know how worthy you are of love and goodness.
Stay tuned for learning about what this simple therapeutic process looks like and how you can welcome a year of unwelcome changes. In the meantime, if you are in the midst of a difficult change, know this is but a moment in time, and, as all else does, it too will pass. Know you are seen, you are heard, and you are not alone.